As I was bending to reach clothes on the lower shelf of my closet this morning, I realised it was so easy...effortless! I suddenly remember last year when it was such a pain to reach that lower shelf. I was already contemplating on having my closet reconstructed, cursing the contractor that sold us this house for such a lousy closet layout. Now those days are gone. I realise it was the weight I gained, specifically that big midsection. Maybe it was the lack of exercise or chemo side effects, maybe. Regardless of what the reason was, I am happy that I've trimmed down to the 140s (lbs) and size 10. I feel great whenever my shorts start falling off, hahaha! This only means I get to go down another size :D I've been a shopaholic my entire adult life but one section of that stopped early this year. After doing my spring cleaning and deciding which clothes to keep and give away, I divided what I was left behind into 3 groups: NOW SHOWING, NEXT ATTRACTION and COMING SOON...ones that I wear NOW, the transition clothes that I wear as I lose the weight, then finally the clothes that I had when I was my ideal weight. I'd tell everyone that I'm off shopping for clothes whenever we're out, I do my shopping in our guest room where my old clothes are stashed away :) Disclaimer (since I know some friends and family will react): this does not keep me from getting new shoes, bags and accessories ;)
2014
I got sad when I saw my old clothes, seeing how big I've become. I also finally admitted to myself that I was indeed anorexic before. Even if I was so thin, I saw myself as fat whenever I'd look at the mirror. I was always on a diet, trying to shed another 5 pounds or dress size. Wearing that body and clothes looked nice, but I doubt if my doctor's test results would've looked the same. Back then, I was always feeling something bad...head aches, tummy aches, eye strain, etc. I always had a stash of medicine in my purse for whatever emergency type of pain I was feeling. It was the diet, the lifestyle, the bad habits. Definitely not good!
2015
I told Flip that I wasn't losing much weight but my clothes are falling off. She said don't mind the weight, going down a dress size or two means that your getting fit. Then Mark suggested, why not get one item of clothing from your coming soon stash and let that be your peg. When that fits perfectly, then you've reached your ideal weight/size. That was a good idea but I had a more visual peg in mind. My goal isn't to "fit" perfectly into some dress, because honestly, a good dress can hide all those flaws. I want that bikini body I once had! I wanna be able to go to the beach anytime and wear a bikini without having to cover it up with a kimono or top. The shorts and bikini I wore on this photo fit me now BUT it doesn't look the same, the curve is replaced with bulges =O So really, Mark's suggestion does not apply :(
I am healthily inching my way towards that goal. I try not to lose my patience because I am aware there is a fast and proven way to achieve it. I've tried and tested it, but no, not anymore. That was the old me.
It doesn't matter how slow, I will get there. I visited my doctor 2 weeks ago and she was a little alarmed that I lost 8 lbs since january. I go "Huh? Is that bad?" Maybe I just look thinner than I weigh. She said, as long as I lose the weight through exercise and proper diet it's fine, but not too much. We don't wanna stress my body. Oh, and that's another thing we talked about...When I went to the doctor I had a cold and felt like I was about to get the flu. I didn't get much or no sleep at all 2 days before going to the doctor because I was working on a design presentation. I told her this and she said I need to get some rest. When I stress my body, my immune system goes down and that's bad because I'm prone to several diseases and illnesses. On the way home, Mark and I were talking about this definition of stress. Apparently, stress on the body is making it work overtime. It's not just about the psychological, emotional and mental state of being. So even if I wasn't feeling stressed while working on my presentation, I was stressing my body because it was was past bedtime. So just because you're having fun doing something, doesn't mean you're not stressing your body. Then I go to Mark, "Just like when you're drinking alcohol and having fun, it feels ok because it relieves mental stress BUT it stresses your liver and other organs". Ugh, stress, in general, is such an ugly thing.
