"The roses will follow"…keeps echoing in my head whenever times are tough. It's something pops said on his speech for our wedding last year. Unlike other newlyweds, the usual warnings didn't apply to us: "this is what for better or for worst means…enjoy the honeymoon stage while it lasts", etcetera because we've already been through the loss of a child, diagnosed with cancer, and were on our way to chemo a month after the wedding. In short, seems like we skipped the honeymoon stage and went straight to hell. There were a lot of unmet expectations and events that truly left a dent on our emotions and egos that we struggle to accept or let go almost every day…Our little girl's room has become a guest room/storage area. Menopause came early, so there goes our chance of having another baby. Taking care of a sick spouse was supposed to come at least 30 years after the wedding, not 30 days. Honeymoons meant checking in at hotels, not hospitals…
We didn't start off our honeymoon on a bed of roses but we tried and made the best out of almost every situation we encountered. Post op, we made sure that trips made outside the house were spent well…going to church, giving in to our food cravings, some light shopping, and even day trips to Tagaytay or Sta. Rosa to enjoy the cool breeze. On my strong chemo weeks, we'd do the same and sometimes even check in a hotel or go out of town. Inspite of the chemo, I enjoyed the freedom...Free from responsibility and stress, freedom from needing to fix my hair, freedom from having to show up…there were a lot of things to be happy and thankful for. I chose to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty.
I cannot deny the fact that we, as a couple, had really bad days. While other couples get irritated coz he didn't put the toothpaste cap back on, or she takes too long in the bathroom, we were struggling with depression, anxiety, and fear. There were times I wanted to break things and scream my heart out with frustration and unexplainable anger…and sometimes I did give in to it. It helped that after some time, I accepted this as a side effect of chemo and learned not to blame it on people around me. I remember one time when I was so mad, screaming and all flushed, while crying. I felt like I was gonna explode! I asked Mark and Jona to give me something to throw or break. They gave me a couple of bottles that I smashed on our garage wall. After my throwing binge, I was fine. I apologized to Jona for the mess she had to clean up and thanked her and Mark for helping me get rid of the ill emotions I had. Regardless of who or what was the cause of such emotions, it's the people living with me who always took the hardest blow. I'm just thankful that Mark is naturally a light hearted person that he helps us jump back to a positive mood almost instantly.
One important tip I cannot stress enough is: SIMPLIFY. Do not add any more problems to what you already have. Do not gamble or drink. Why add to the hospital visits, expenses and headaches? Do not cheat in any way or form. Your spouse undergoing chemo feels undesirable enough as it is so why add to the insecurity and pain. A normal relationship or marriage is complicated enough, what more when a critical illness is added into the mix?? It may bring a couple closer together or break them apart. In any case, only the strong survives.
I cannot deny the fact that we, as a couple, had really bad days. While other couples get irritated coz he didn't put the toothpaste cap back on, or she takes too long in the bathroom, we were struggling with depression, anxiety, and fear. There were times I wanted to break things and scream my heart out with frustration and unexplainable anger…and sometimes I did give in to it. It helped that after some time, I accepted this as a side effect of chemo and learned not to blame it on people around me. I remember one time when I was so mad, screaming and all flushed, while crying. I felt like I was gonna explode! I asked Mark and Jona to give me something to throw or break. They gave me a couple of bottles that I smashed on our garage wall. After my throwing binge, I was fine. I apologized to Jona for the mess she had to clean up and thanked her and Mark for helping me get rid of the ill emotions I had. Regardless of who or what was the cause of such emotions, it's the people living with me who always took the hardest blow. I'm just thankful that Mark is naturally a light hearted person that he helps us jump back to a positive mood almost instantly.
One important tip I cannot stress enough is: SIMPLIFY. Do not add any more problems to what you already have. Do not gamble or drink. Why add to the hospital visits, expenses and headaches? Do not cheat in any way or form. Your spouse undergoing chemo feels undesirable enough as it is so why add to the insecurity and pain. A normal relationship or marriage is complicated enough, what more when a critical illness is added into the mix?? It may bring a couple closer together or break them apart. In any case, only the strong survives.
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