Sick & Tired

As I was walking away from the MAC service center, I wanted to start sobbing and screaming! I was so frustrated, pissed, harassed, and just sick and tired of being hassled again with something I didn't do! Many times have I ended up taking responsibility, dealing with/fixing, and suffering the mess of other people! I really hate it!!! Being stuck with the inconvenience, and moreso, the bill!  Today it's my laptop being drenched in water. Even if it's so darn easy to get a new one, I need all my files!  That will take 96 hours before I can open my laptop again and, hopefully, still retrieve it.  This is my livelihood here, not just photos or silly games!  If I leave it with the repair shop, that'll still take atleast a week.  I keep on gritting my teeth and breathing deeply just so I won't burst into tears or rage. I'm already getting a headache and some muscle cramps. I have this weird tendency to tighten my calves or feet when I'm holding my anger in.  Thoughts flashing in my mind: the presentation I need for Monday, files of my new clients, bills I need to pay, credit card, car, workhours spent on tons of designs in the past, etc.  Then I zone in to "car"...A couple of years ago, my car got totalled.  And yeah, not by me.  It was such a pain coz I had to endure the loss of that car!  Slower moving or even declining some projects, having to commute, checking on the car, having a terrible repairshop since I didn't have that much money to have it fixed.  I super hated it!  Since then I vowed not to borrow other people's car unless I can afford to totally pay for it and have a replacement incase something bad happens.  It seems that some people take forgranted or even fail to grasp that I am REALLY inconvenienced and even lose income because of these things.  I am tired of the lack of consideration.  Or maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should whine and complain more so as not to give the impression that everything's so darn easy!  My work is "easy" because I love doing it and I manage my time and resources well.  I like looking at it as part of my life and not just some task or job I have to do.  That's why I'd gladly say, "I went shopping today" or "stayed up all night finishing a design", as if it's for myself. Instead of whining about the traffic, lugging around tons of stuff in a mall, not having enough sleep, I choose to see the nice things about what I do. I've lived by what my dad told me a looooong time ago: "Work smart, not work hard".  I believe that if I plan everything well enough, this is possible.  So if I wanted less workdays in a week, I'd visit several sites in a day and even save on gas and toll.  When I had to finish several commitments one Christmas season, I hired a driver to save time finding parking between locations.  I delegate, even if it means less or no profit for me.  Working smart doesn't mean giving a half assed job.  It's about being practical and efficient.  So yeah, if I have a lot of time on my hands, it's not because I have nothing to do but because I set it up that way.  I learned early on that I need some quiet/lazy time when I can regroup.  That's why I often cram and set all work on consecutive days so I'll have nothing to think about after that.  I hate it when people just dump stuff for me to do as if I have nothing on my plate, making sudden plans like I don't have a life.  I am freelance but I do have deadlines too you know.  Maybe they don't think of me that way but it feels like that when I already have an hourly schedule planned for the next couple of days.  Whoa! What a release! I feel a little better now.  I think my real problem is saying "NO" or asking for help.  That if I refuse, they'd think I don't know how to manage my schedule.  If I ask for help, I can't be relied on or irresponsible.  If I whine, I'm weak, dumb or unresourceful. Enough looking good for now, I need a break!