When I finally got the chance to clean out my toiletries drawer post operation, the first thing I got rid of were my napkins and tampons! I kept a pack just incase some of my girl friends visited and suddenly had a need for it :) Gone are the PMS and cramps, yahoo! Oh no! Guess I can't blame PMS for my mood swings anymore…But wait, now I can blame menopause for my temper! hahaha!
I was busy going through post op pain, bloating, and fixing the wedding at first, so I really didn't have the time to notice menopause effects right away. I only got to that a month after, when we met with a couple of doctors for second and third opinions regarding my chemo. Only when one doctor told me that my skin will become dry that I noticed, yeah, my skin was really dry! Not just on the arms and legs but also my back and chest! After that appointment, I told mom Hirene that I hated putting on lotion. I hated that sticky feeling. So the following day, mom gave me a selection of lotions to try on. I remember being in the car with her, on our way to another doctor's appointment, putting one lotion on my left arm, another on the right, another on the left leg, then another on the right. I waited a while for signs of ickiness…then finally chose the winning lotion…Johnson's baby cooling gel lotion! Since I had to put it all over my body, it had to have no scent or mild enough not to overpower my perfume. After a couple of months, Flip was raving about another product, Argan oil from Watson's. I tried this, and was a sudden fanatic. I put it all over my body, then even on my head when I was a baldy on chemo. Wonderful! I use it every night only not because it's sticky, but one night I applied this to Mark, and the following morning we swam. He had a bad sun burn! Note to self, must rinse off before long exposure to sunlight!
I also have hot flashes. I've classified it into two types. First is the fleeting flash that comes like I have this sudden fever. I feel hot inside and the air coming out of my nose is hot. This usually lasts for around 5 minutes. The next one is the lingering flash (yeah, how can it be a flash if it's lingering, duh???) where I suddenly have uncontrollable sweat pouring for no darn reason! It's embarrassingly funny! Remember the (imodium, i think) commercial, "mukhang guilty"? That's how I feel whenever I have one of those! Hahaha! Turning up the aircon, wearing sleeveless, relaxing myself doesn't help! It will go away when it's done making me feel uncomfortable.
Weight gain due to menopause is a myth, Dra. Cocos told me, and I believe her. I got fat because of the junk I ate, that's it. Maybe my metabolism got slower, that's why it's harder to lose weight now but I wouldn't have to deal with this if I had a proper diet. Even people I know who work out regularly swear by the 70% diet, 30% exercise rule. I have nothing or no one else to blame but me…and that derby cake from polly's, the breakfast buffet at bag of beans, crunchy chichacorn, that milk tea craze, and friends bringing food every time they visit! Hahahaha! In my case, I need to change my view on eating. Most of the time, it's the joy of sharing a meal with someone (rather than the taste of the food) that makes me eat more. Mark and I often joke about breaking up because we were so sexy when we broke up for a year. When we got back together, that's when we started gaining weight. I'm part of the happy emotional eaters group. Thus, I'm a happy fat kat! :)
Menopause coming to me earlier than expected was also a large blow on our chance of having another baby of our own. Of course there were a lot of "if onlys"…If only Luna survived…If only we froze an egg…etc. But we often choose to look the other way and make light of the matter. "Hey, we can finally have a blue eyed, blonde little girl!"…Yes, crazy ideas that make us laugh. Here's one more creative reason I thought of: "What if God really didn't want us to have a child because if we do, he'll be the anti-Christ that'll bring the end of the world??" There's no sense in blaming, self pity or wallowing in sadness. It only makes sense when something good comes out of it. When a negative or sad thought comes to mind, I let it. I may cry or be sad at the moment, I allow myself to be. Most of my wonderful breakthroughs come from that. But I also need to be able to snap out of it. It's exhausting! Whenever I'm done being sad, I look at the positive things I do have in my life…I may not be able to have a baby anymore, but I have Xavi. He's healthy, smart, sweet, loving, adorable, and here with me. I may have ovarian ca, but I'm having chemo. There is a cure and we can afford it! I have an ugly scar on my tummy, but I AM ALIVE.
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