I have a new pimple! Aaaaargh!!! I need to have a facial! But wait, I can't. There are some no-no's during chemo that I followed religiously…while some others I didn't. It was ok for me to not eat raw food coz I wasn't really a fan to begin with. Though I craved eating a fresh salad versus cooked greens sometimes. The mani-pedi, I could do myself since I never really trusted anyone else to do my pedicure for fear of being murdered. I also need to have my teeth cleaned and some holes refilled soon…Yeah right, as if I visited the dentist the past 2 years! For some reason, I tend to want or notice those things more, now that it's prohibited. It was ok that I can't dye my hair coz I didn't have any hair that time. I can go to the beach, but I can't get sun burnt. So, the few times we went to the beach, I'd go out at around 4:00pm, wearing a wide brimmed hat, and a ton of sunblock all over my body…a total beach bunny! In the past, I'd go under the sun, sunblock only on face, then stay there for hours, regardless of what time it was. If I wanted to swim in a pool, I had to ask about their cleaning schedule. Best to go when water's fresh and there aren't much people, especially kids, around. 
One onco told me to avoid kids like the plague! He said, kids are number one carriers of common illness like coughs, colds, flu, etc. So if I see a group of kids, I should run for the hills! Hahaha! Point taken. It was a little hard coz Xavi sleeps in our room and whenever I hear a sniffle, he had to sleep in his own room. This reminds me of the only time I asked him to sleep in his room…Xavi was already in his room for around 45 minutes when he suddenly opened the door of our room, his eyes half open, and was crying badly. It was the first time I saw him cry like this. It made me scared coz it was the kind of crying I'd expect from him if someone close to him,,,well,,,died. I thought to myself, did he receive a phone call on his cellphone and got terrible news?? I let him in and hugged him, then asked him to sit on the bed. He couldn't stop crying :( I just let him settle down before asking him, Why? What happened? He was still crying so hard while telling me: "I (hik) dreamt you (hik) had your chemo…sob…sob…And (hik) something went wrong…sob…sob…and you (hik) died!" And he continued crying. So I told him, "Don't worry, that won't happen," then hugged him and we lied down. It took around 30 minutes before he totally stopped crying, then we all finally went to bed. I am so proud of Xavi for being the best son anyone can ever have. He is the sweetest, most behaved, loving and gentle boy. And now, I would add, a very strong and brave one too! Whatever I went through, he went through as well. I made it a point to sit him down and explain things to him…the loss of Luna, my operation, and chemo. There are times I'd break down in tears when talking to him because I felt guilty. Guilty that I couldn't be there for his basketball games. Guilty for not being able to attend his school activities. Sorry that I've been sick and on bed rest for most of the past 2 years! Sorry that he had to go through all this emotional baggage as well. I used to go to his basketball practice, and cheer him on even if it was just a practice game. I looked forward to a real game where I'd scream at the referee if he made a bad call, or just go nuts when he scored a shot. That day came, I wasn't there. It was after my operation. I thought, maybe the car can drop me off close enough so I wouldn't have to walk that far. But then his dad told me I'd have to go up a flight of stairs (or two) so I can watch him :( I am thankful that Xavi understands all this things, but I cannot discount the fact of how this affects him psychologically and emotionally.
Yes, there were a lot of things I was forbidden to do while on chemo but there were still a lot of other things I can do and did. Going to Tagaytay and Nuvali were my favorites. I loved the cool breeze and wide open spaces. Going to Landmark not just to shop, but go to mass. Try new restaurants. Random road trips to places or roads we've never been to. Hanging out at home with everyone.
There was never a dull or lonely moment. I look back and see that I was surrounded with so much love, understanding, and support. That, in itself, was a gift. THAT made everything better and easier. The continuous effort of family and friends who visited, called and texted me, playing kinect, going out on day trips, picnics, hanging out, giving in to my fancies, being extra patient, sensitive, and even lying to me…"No Kat, you look fine!" Hahaha! Thank you very much!
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