Making this blog reminded me of a lot of things we've been through the past few months. It made me think much about my diet. I broke the clean eating at my Chemo Party and during chemo, thinking that all of it was being cleansed and it was ok to eat anything except raw food and alcohol. I held on to one doctor's remark: "YES, you can eat whatever you want. Kawawa ka na nga kasi you're undergoing chemo tapos di mo pa kakainin yung gusto mo!" Same goes whenever I'd get pregnant. One doctor said before: "Tama na diet. You're already eating for you and your baby now." I guess I overused those statements as excuse to go pig out and get fat. And yes, I am capable of Feast or Famine. I can starve myself to the point that I only consume water and papaya everyday but I can also get 3 full plates at a buffet and eat until my stomach gets so full that it's grown 3 dress sizes within an hour! In this extreme behavior, one thing was missing: MODERATION. Aside from this, I also want to address another word: INTEGRITY. I made a statement that I'd go back to my post op diet on after my fifth session. Now, 5 months after my last session, I haven't even started or tried doing it yet. Well of course I have a lot of excuses! I'd have to go to the grocery at least once a week, Xavi doesn't like those food, it's more expensive, it's hard, etc. So I ask myself: Would I rather be guilty whenever I eat all those junk food? Why do I keep complaining that I'm not losing weight fast enough when I know why?!? Do I need fear to be able to do it? What kind of motivation do I need? Is it motivation or DISCIPLINE? Now I remember what Dra. Ancheta said, "You only need to discipline 3 inches of your body: your tongue." We often complain that healthy food is bland or doesn't taste as good as junk food. That taste only lasts while it's on our tongue, but after that, it stays and affects our whole body for a looooong time.
I recall having a very clean palate on my post op days. I was bombarded with fruits, steamed fish, cooked veggies, nuts, and some brown rice and wheat bread. I couldn't believe that grapes and ripe mangoes tasted soooo sweet to me. My old definition of sweet was finishing a pack of M&M's. Brown rice tasted like corn and steamed fish was salty, when I used to always have a salt shaker or fish sauce by my side to add to these bland dishes. I used to have 5 different kinds of jam or spread at breakfast, but can now eat plain wheat bread and enjoy it. I used to be a "saucy" girl, but this time around, everything tasted just right.
I also remember Dra. Cocos telling me the reasons why I got ca, two days after my operation:
1. Stress - Stress doesn't only mean like that from work but also not having enough rest. The body gets stressed because it's working overtime without rejuvenation from sleep.
2. Sugar - Once the ca cells are there, this is what they feed on.
3. Alcohol
I've been sleeping late last month and started altering this since last week. So now I sleep earlier and wake up at 7:00 am again :) I haven't really had a real drink for a long time now. That's something I won't be going back to anymore. There was a time I drank almost everyday. It became scarcer the past few years but those few times (at least once a week), I'd be drunk as hell! Half a liter of Jack, 750ml of Granma, or 6 bottles of beer. That's how much it takes to get me drunk. Was I an alcoholic? You be the judge.
Getting sick was my first wakeup call...and I want that to be my last. Tomorrow I start with my post op diet and habits. Not just to lose the weight, but to maintain my health.
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