Living…not just Surviving: There's an O and a C in Chemo

I was never a fan of going to the hospital or visiting the doctor. I had this notion that if you keep on probing and looking for a disease you may have, you'll definitely find something. After my week long stay at Manila Adventist Medical Center, I was a total convert. That previous statement was changed to: If you're in pain or feel something's wrong, go to the hospital right away to find a cure and rid yourself of the suffering. I chose MAMC and Dra. Cocos for my 6 sessions of chemotherapy for a number of reasons…I was very comfortable with Dra. Cocos. She is very positive, warm and cheerful. After my operation, Dra. Cocos and Dra. Ancheta checked up on me daily or sometimes even twice a day. The nurses also had the same bright attitude, were very gentle, and attentive to my needs. When something went wrong, another doctor with that field of expertise was called in and either tests were done right away, I was given the medicine needed, or the device was adjusted. There were CLEAR answers/diagnosis AND remedies. I wasn't left overnight to deal with the discomfort or pain just because the doctors weren't there at the moment, labs were closed, etc. This hospital, the doctors, nurses, and crew were VERY reliable and efficient. I was only confined in a hospital thrice before this: first was back in 1997 at Makati Med when I had terrible abdominal pain. I was there for a couple of days but even after discharge, what it was remained a mystery. WTH?! The other 2 were at Polymedic for child birth in 2003 and 2012. Those are my only basis for comparison. MAMC was the only hospital that discharged me with all the answers and made sure I was ready to go. This made me think that I may have been prematurely discharged by Polymedic last 2012 as I had fainting spells for a week after that. I was thinking maybe they should've given me blood transfusion but instead just prescribed iron vitamins.

Aside from the good experience I had when I was confined at MAMC, there were NO LINES! I hate the fact that I'm already sick, my loved ones are emotional, and we still need to go through the stress and hassle of waiting in line for paying, lab tests, check ups, etc. At the end of my chemo, we planned on having my CT scan, x-ray, urine, and blood test at St. Luke's Fort because it was nearer and cheaper. Much to our dismay, we got there and took a number…that number was for the first step: information. After that, we'd have to get ANOTHER number to line up for the scheduling, then ANOTHER number for payment. We were looking at how sloooooow the numbers were being called and decided to leave. As we were on our way out, one irate lady in her early 50's was arguing with one of the information clerks while holding her filled urine bottle: "What?! I just need to give this!" Yes, ANOTHER line just to submit your urine sample! No thanks, we'll pass…then headed to MAMC.

Wedding done and holidays passed, I needed to get my chemo already. I was procrastinating because I was scared. It was a mix of emotions that I wanted to do it for fear of cancer cells growing every minute I don't receive treatment, and not do it coz of the pain. The only actual chemo session and effects I've seen were on Breaking Bad. I felt the other survivors I've spoken with weren't giving me all the data I needed. I thought, maybe they didn't want to tell me so I wouldn't get scared. So I scoured the internet for info. Nobody described how it felt during the session. Will it sting or burn on my veins once it's administered? Is my body gonna ache? An epic headache perhaps? Why are they saying that by the 5th session, I may not wanna go through it anymore?? How painful is it???? All these unanswered questions were eating me up and making me anxious as we scheduled the first session for January 15. Days before my first session, I wanted to go herbal because I was being a coward!

I am thankful for being blessed with friends and family that reminded me of Him. That I can turn to God for guidance and strength. It was the first time me and Mark would pray every night. When feeling helpless, I'd pray and talk to Him. If this didn't work, I'd read a verse from the book Bernice sent…then the book April sent…or the novena to Father Pio. If this still didn't work, I'd read chapters from the bible from an app I downloaded, listen to praise songs, or talk to Karren. Even before and after each session, Dra. Cocos prays for us. After so many prayers and contemplation, I was still not 100% ready but at least I wasn't scared anymore.

After the first chemo session, all apprehensions about how it'd feel like were out the window. I decided to carry on the formula of the first chemo session to the next five. One rule: Be as comfortable as possible! It started with packing the most comfortable clothes and underwear for sleep, during chemo, and going home. I refused to wear the hospital gown because it was open at the back and the fabric was rough. I had ready socks, bonnet and scarf incase any of those areas of my body felt cold. I brought my own pillows and pillowcases so I can sleep well. I also brought my softest blanket that feels like a teddy bear's fur. I brought whatever hobby or small activity I was doing at the moment so I don't get bored during the session. Upon arrival at the room, I sometimes even change the layout (especially the small rooms, a habit I also do in hotels or resorts, hahaha) so we can move around properly. Plus the OC in me can't relax when I see something out of place. I draw the curtains so it doesn't feel stuffed and I can see what's going on outside. On chemo day, I wake up extra early so I can have breakfast, take a bath and do my morning rituals before they put on my IV so I move faster and avoid the hassle of working around that needle in my hand. I make sure they put the needle on my left hand (I'm right-handed) so I can still write, doodle, text, etc. Most importantly, I had my mom, Mark and Xavi (in the summer) there with me. After all that, I'm ready and totally relaxed! :D Planning ahead helped us undergo those 6 sessions worry-free.