For better or for worst

January 21, 2014
3:16 am

I stopped writing coz I thought I'd try to sleep but nowadays sleep is such a pain to me.  I wake up every 2 hours and have a hard time falling asleep again.  I try not to let it bother me and just think of it as part of the process my body's going through…a process that doesn't allow me to suffer the side effects of chemo that much.  This sleep pattern started the night before the wedding.  I don't know if it's connected to that or not.

Wow!  Speaking of wedding, it's already been a month!  We got married last December 20, two weeks after my major operation.  We had to move everything to a nearer location.  The original plan was at Angelfields Tagaytay, a garden wedding amidst a big big venue we got all to ourselves.  Unfortunately, I can't even go up and down the stairs of our home yet and had to minimize walking.  We were lucky that the other venue we had in mind was still available…the Champagne Room of the Manila Hotel! :)  

I loved the interiors and feel so much ever since the first time I saw it when Mark brought me there for my birthday last November 15 and proposed AGAIN!  This second proposal was perfect!  I even asked the waiter how many guests would fit into this venue and he said less than a hundred.  So I joked with Mark that if we had less guests, this would've been a nice venue for our wedding as well.  Little did I know of the things to come that we would indeed be getting married there!

The days leading to the wedding were VERY hectic. It was filled with everyday tasks that really had to be DONE!  I am so thankful for having our moms help us and were present almost everyday.  Mela, my maid of honor, was such a heaven sent! MOH award to the max! Even yaya Angel stayed on instead of going on a vacation so she can take care of me while I was on bed rest.  I am very thankful for all the TLC and prayers from all around me.  

Now let's flashback to the hospital...as my operation was December 3, and the day after that is when I wanted to hear the story of why my operation lasted that long.  I knew something was up.  There was something they weren't telling me.  My mom and Mark stayed with me in the hospital and I know them too well.  They're very chatty and detailed conversationalists.  This time, some of their answers seemed, uhm, lacking.  Sometimes Mark would come back to the room and I'd notice that he had just finished crying.  Finally, mama sat down beside me and started telling me what happened.  When they opened me up, it wasn't a dermoid cyst.  It was a 16cm ball of mucolitic tumor that had mucus leaking out of it.  They had a flash frozen exam to see if it were malignant.  There were what looked like sores on some organs the seemed like areas of adhesion.  These organs had to be removed.  The omentum,  appendix, lymph nodes, and then my right ovary…but the heavy part of it all is they also had to take out my left ovary and uterus.  Yes, a full hysterectomy. 

I was sorry for my mom that she had to make this decision for me and assured her that it's okay.  Mama, Mark, and Tita Hirene were all there , presented with facts and options.  If they kept my left ovary and uterus, there'd be no guarantees.  To me, it was the right choice.  But of course I don't want to be selfish.  I am marrying Mark and I know how much he's been dreaming of having our own little girl for the longest time now! Twas only about 2 weeks ago when we were out and he saw a cute baby girl that he muttered to me that he wanted a baby already.  And I also know how Mom and Pops have been wanting their very own grandchildren.  They all had their own reasons for approving the hysterectomy.  But the common denominator was, it had to be removed for my safety and I love them so for that!  To others I guess this would be the time to reconsider continuing the wedding.  Let's face it, your fiancé suddenly can't give you a child anymore and has cancer!  I realized how much Mark truly loves me and what he's been going through the past few days.  When I finished talking to my mom and got a moment with Mark, I hugged him and told him that I already knew.  We just started crying.  I found out how scared he was while I was in the operating room.  Heck, I didn't realize how scary that was until he told me.